Thank You, Jessica Stanley
by Sierra Sitruc
Summary: Bella Swan is infatuated with James Henalay who only dates non-virgins. She is unfortunately still a virgin. Thus begins the quest to pop her cherry…Edward Cullen, anyone? And what does Jessica have to do with all this? E/B One-shot.


**Title**: Thank You, Jessica Stanley

**Author**: Sierra_Sitruc

**Rating**: M

**Genre**: Humor/Romance

**Pairings**: Edward/Bella, Jasper/Alice

**Summary**: Bella Swan is infatuated with James Henalay who only dates non-virgins. She is unfortunately still a virgin. Thus begins the quest to pop her cherry…Edward Cullen, anyone? And what does Jessica have to do with all this? E/B One-shot.

**Author's Note**: This story was created when I got fanfic cockblocked one too many times in a row because Bella wanted to wait for that _special first time_. Lame, I said. So, I wrote a story where Bella doesn't give a crap about special first times, she's just after the sex.

"Alice, c'mon! I gotta get rid of my v-card! This is all I have!"

"It does NOT count unless it's with a real dick, Bells," she told me firmly. Her voice led me to believe that she was on the brink of hanging up on me.

I looked at the banana in my hand forlornly. I'd searched the grocery store's produce aisle thoroughly before finding this perfect specimen. Straight, thick, no bruises, and still a bit green.

"But – the hymen is the only real barrier, right?"

"It's more than the hymen. Sex is…sex is complicated."

"If turtles can have sex, I don't see why I can't figure it out," I sulked.

"Bella, whatever you do, do NOT lose your virginity to a _banana_!"

"FINE!" I yelled into the phone, I threw the banana on the floor and stepped on it. Smashed banana gunk oozed out of the split sides of the green banana and onto the kitchen floor. "I guess I'll just have to ask Mike to do it."

I heard Alice choking on the other end of the phone. "No, no, not that! I'd rather the banana than Mike."

"I don't have any other options, Alice! This is SERIOUS! I don't think you're taking this seriously enough."

I heard her huffing the way she does when she's angry. "I just talked you out of breaking your hymen with a banana. It does not get anymore serious than that!"

I stomped on the banana once more for good measure.

"Then help me figure out something! True lust does not wait for trivial things like breaking of hymens!" I sighed miserably, checking the clock to make sure I still had time until Charlie came home from work. It was more like true lust could not go on once Charlie got home or, graduation came along. It was merely two months away and then my window of opportunity would be gone.

Alice was quiet on the other end.

"Do you have any ideas? Because all I've got is a useless banana over here."

"It has merit, but it's still rough," she said, her voice hinting that she was still lost in thought.

"What does?"

"A plan to get you into James's pants."

Unbearable excitement flooded through me at the small chance of hope that I could be with James Henaley. I would take anything. One night, two nights, the rest of our lives. I was in serious lust/almost love with him.

"What's the plan?" I asked eagerly.

Alice spoke in a hushed, wicked tone once she finally relented to my pleas.

"You won't actually have to sleep with _anyone_, but the effect would be the same."

I was confused. "Err…how do we do that?"

"We fake it," Alice said simply. "We spread some rumors, via an unreliable yet strangely believed source: Jessica Stanley."

I mulled it over for a minute. "You. Are. Brilliant. You are…beyond brilliant! You make Einstein look like George Bush!"

Alice gave a pleased laugh over the phone. "I know. No need to boost my ego…too much."

"I can be Forks High School's resident whore by the end of the week! Then James will FINALLY ask me out." I sighed dreamily.

"I still cannot understand why you had to pick the one guy in school who refuses to date virgins. It would have made things so much easier if you had picked Tyler Crowley."

"Shh, Alice, don't ruin the moment. I am dreaming about tricking James Henaley into taking my virginity."

"Eww! Call me when you're done. We have to plot this out carefully to make this believable."

"Okay, okay, I'll call you once Charlie's gone to bed to go over the details."

"Oh a joyous day tomorrow will be. Purposefully ruining my best friend's rep."

"You are the bestest friend a girl could ask for."

"Get over yourself, Bella. G'bye."

"Bye!"

Tomorrow was going to be the best Tuesday of my life.

I had often contemplated the mythical "special" first time since the phrase first reached my youthful ears. Alice and I overheard her mother telling her older sister, Cynthia, about it. At age nine, I wondered what kind of first time they were talking about. It had something to do with a boy we gathered, but what they were doing we weren't sure. The first time they watched a movie? The first time they played on the same team for kickball? We were utterly baffled what would make that special, other than the fact that it was the _very_ first time.

I could remember many firsts in my life. My first lost tooth was courtesy my father mistakenly believing I could learn to tie my shoes without injury. The first time I used rollerblades without falling on my face was a triumphant moment. The first trip to town on my bike, since my parents usually never let me out alone, was a reflection on my burgeoning independence. These memories were all firsts, and I considered them special. I had done nothing to make them special, they had done that on their own.

As I grew older, and realized exactly what kind of first time Alice's mother had meant, my opinion failed to change. I had no anxieties or superfluous ideas about what my first time would be like. Okay, a lie, I had a lot of anxieties. I wanted to be extremely good at sex my first time, which I predicted to be an impossibility. I also wanted to feel a lot of pleasure, which my hymen could hinder.

Thus, when I set my sights on James Henaley's peen, I had several obstacles to overcome: lose the hymen, lose the air of inexperience floating around me like bad body odor, and lose my virginity once and for all without James being clued in that he had been the dude to do the deed.

I left the finer details to achieving my goals to Alice Brandon, since I was the idea person, but she was the one to pull it off. That was why we made such a good team.

"What do you think about doing it with Jacob Black?" Alice asked me. She had crafted a list of names, from that devious planning mind of hers, of single guys I could have "done it" with. They would be guys who would either shrug off the allegations of having slept with me or guys who would never hear about it. Jacob was in the middle, since he could be either one. Alice's cousin Eleazar was of the latter. Mike Newton was in the former, but Alice had refused to even put him on the list.

"Jake?" I asked, scrunching my nose at the phone, as if she could see what I was doing. "It'd be like sexing up my brother! V-omit!"

Alice huffed. "You wouldn't really have to do it, you know!"

"It's incest. That's illegal in Washington, V-ETO!" I added another V-word for good measure. _V_ was becoming my least favorite letter – virginity and all that.

"Fine, no Jacob Black. Then what about Laurent Boulanger? He still speaks more French than English, so I think he would have no idea."

"That's just wrong, Alice, preying on the foreign exchange student. I won't do that," I insisted.

"Bella, being with the hot foreign exchange student would be a good thing. James would think you learned some kinky European tricks," Alice said it so seriously, so matter-of-factly, that I giggled.

"Get real. Once we were in the bedroom, the jig would be up. He would know I lacked any skills whatsoever. I'd have to watch European porn or something, and that stuff could be really scary!"

Alice was silent a moment. "That's actually a great idea!" she exclaimed.

See what I mean? I'm the idea person. Wait a second –

"_What's_ a great idea?"

"Maybe not European, but porn! We should watch some! We could rent it, since we're 18 now. Wait, I don't want to be seen, we could watch it online? Hum, but I don't want viruses on my computer. Wait…Maybe we could get it on Netflix? Do you know if they carry that stuff?" She was so involved in her aloud thinking, that she didn't notice my lack of participation on the conversation.

"Uh. I have no idea, but I think watching porn is a bad idea," I said hesitantly. Girls didn't watch porn, did they?

Alice was quiet on her end again, meaning she was deep in thought. "No, I disagree. It is the only way we'll ever know what we're doing."

"I thought you said you and Jasper had sex over the holiday break."

"Uh…" Alice voice suddenly sounded nervous over the phone. "I'm not…I mean…"

I braced myself for the worst. Either the Code of Friendship had been broken and Alice had lied about having sex, or something really weird had happened over break. I was hoping for the weird thing, because that sounded more fun.

"I _thought_ we did, but then…I was talking to Cynthia…and I don't think we did," she mumbled lowly.

"What the hell does that mean?" I demanded as quietly as I could, without waking the sleeping giant across the hall. If he awoke and overheard this conversation, I would probably be forced to attend an all girls' school for the slim remainder of my senior year.

"It means I'm so stupid that I don't even know what counts as sex!" Alice said, clearly humiliated to admit her ignorance.

I sat up on my bed where our conversation had been held so far. This was an opportunity not to be missed. If my best friend didn't know what sex was, porn might be necessary. She was the one I had counted on for direct information about the finer details – like always.

"Well, it was a very confusing night!" she defended. "I had a glass of wine, and you know I'm a major lightweight. Then, we were in his room, naked! We'd never been naked before. He kind of rubbed – you know – his – you know – on me. It was so good – you know? I even had a – you know – and he did, too. I _thought_ it counted, but Cynthia explained a few weeks ago that penetration and pain are probably a more accurate way to describe things for your first time."

It was the most uncomfortable speech I had ever heard.

It did give me another idea, though. I decided not to address anything Alice said except for the last part. "So Cynthia's not a virgin?"

"She's old, of course she isn't."

"Then why can't we ask her instead of watching porn?"

Alice made a distressed sound. "Because it was so embarrassing and awful being wrong about what happened over the holiday break that I can never ever, ever, ever, _ever_ talk to her about sex again! I need to do this to regain my pride as a – woman."

"I don't understand sisters," I admitted. "So I am not going to argue about it anymore. We can watch porn."

Alice was beyond gleeful. "Oh thank you, Bella! Think of it as research. It won't be any worse than watching a documentary for a science project, except you get to use this to get James!"

That didn't sound half bad, I thought, daydreaming about James's sexy smirk when he held open the door for me last week.

Eventually, we did get back to our original topic.

"What about Eric? He'd probably even play if up for you," Alice suggested.

"He's still crawling with venereal diseases after his drunken encounter with Lauren," I reminded her. "That would not help my cause."

"Eww, no it would not. Moving on…"

We spent the next twenty minutes discussing the various male specimens of Forks High with little success. He was either too ugly, too boring, too skinny, too fat, or too short. Alice said I needed to stop comparing them to James or I would never ruin my reputation. I came up with a reason to discard every single one, until we came to the last one on Alice's list.

"Alright, this is the last name. I didn't think you would go for him, but since you've shot down all my other ideas, maybe you'll like this one."

"Who?"

"Edward Cullen. What do you think? He's certainly attractive and he keeps to himself enough that he probably wouldn't be motivated to deny the rumors."

I perked up at the latest suggestion. I was beginning to feel a bit hopeless over all the other options Alice had provided. I needed the perfect man to "lose" my virginity to. Edward Cullen fit the bill. He was very dreamy to an average Jane like myself. He was the son of the best doctor in town, and his mother was an ex-Broadway singer, the only celebrity ever to bless Forks with her residence. They had moved here when Edward was sixteen from New York, and all the typical (and not typical) girls had tried to persuade his interest.

But he had shrugged them off, focusing more on his soccer and piano than girls. He was well liked by everybody and eventually was heard to have dated a few girls. Still, he was quiet and didn't seem to follow the stereotypical teenage trends. He was rarely at parties, from what I knew, which would work in my favor. James was always at parties. Edward would also work because he had never said two words to me in all the time he had been at Forks.

In fact, he probably had no idea I existed.

"I think he could work," I said.

"Thank God!" Alice gave herself a minute to chuckle. "I thought we'd never get to sleep. I'll find Jessica tomorrow and casually mention you running into Edward…how bout in the music room? You were looking for Jasper, to ask him if he'd seen me or something."

I was a little unsure about this theory. "I would never look for Jasper to find you. I would just call you."

"My cell was off, and you were having trouble with that nasty truck. Edward gave you a ride home instead. Cue mood music, BANG! You lose your virginity in that sexy black Volvo of his. It probably has nice backseats."

It had merit. Jasper _was_ my only friend who played an instrument. There was room for me to have bumped into Edward in the music room. Plus, it was vague enough to leave no room for question from Jessica.

"You don't think Jessica would talk to Edward?" I ask.

"No one would mention it to him, I'm sure, and if they did, Jasper said he's not the type to talk shit about anybody. He would probably brush it off as nothing. He wouldn't deny it; I am almost 99% positive."

"And you won't tell Jasper? It would be too humiliating for anyone but you to know."

"Of course I won't tell him. I've been your friend longer than I've been dating Jazz."

Soothed by Alice's logic and promises, I didn't even feel cheap that I was going to lose my v-card in a car. I was only worried about a minor detail.

"If we do this," I cautioned, "We're going to have to watch a porno about having sex in a car."

"It'll be just like a documentary," Alice reassured me, but it sounded like she was reassuring herself.

The next day went surprisingly smooth. Alice talked to Jessica and that was that. There wasn't much else we could do, but wait for the rumors to start. Once they did, I was confident that James would make his move. I had seen him checking me out before. He would totally do me if not for this virginity business.

It wasn't until after school that things began to go downhill. I told Charlie I would be at Alice's for dinner and we would be doing research.

"We're watching a documentary," I told my dad, willing myself not to blush. Luckily, Charlie wasn't looking at me when I said this, or his cop instincts would have been set off.

Alice even had to lie to Jasper, she couldn't bear to tell him they she was watching porn with me. She told him the same lie I did. We were watching a _documentary_.

"He would understand," Alice sniffed as we climbed the stairs to her room. "He would take it as an assault on his manhood."

"Gross," I laughed. "But just call it what it is, Alice. You're scared he'll think you're a pervy girl who watches more porn than regular movies."

Alice huffed, but said nothing. I was totally right.

She had opted to search the internet for porn, for the speed it was available, and because she had no idea how to find porn a more discreet way. She was prepared to clear her browser, or throw her computer away if she received a virus.

I giggled immaturely and sang _the Internet is for Porn_, from Avenue Q. Alice was not amused by my rendition.

"What should we type in?" she asked me, her eyes frantically glancing at her door, which I reminded her was locked. "I don't know what to type!"

"How about _porn_?"

Alice chewed her lip. "I don't want to get the really nasty stuff. Isn't there a nicer porn?"

I giggled again. "Uh, is there such a thing as nice porn?"

"How should I know! I don't even know what sex IS!" Alice growled, viciously typing PORN FOR VIRGINS into the search bar.

I cackled hysterically until her high speed internet came up with thousands of hits.

"Holy shit!" I whispered. "Which one do we click?"

Alice's eyes were wide in horror. "I don't know! It's completely overwhelming. The top one has the security clearance from my computer. I guess we'll go with that."

Our screams simultaneously echoed through the, thankfully empty, house.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" I screamed, staring at what might be a penis, but it was the size of my freaking arm!

Alice was too busy shrieking to answer. She was about to exit out of the video, when I scrambled to stop her.

"WE'LL NEVER LEARN IF YOU CLOSE IT NOW!" I yelled, slapping her hand off the mouse.

"IT'S HORRIBLE!" she gasped, covering her eyes.

I paused to take a deep breath. I took another one, hoping for calmness when I next spoke. "These are professionals, Alice. We aren't expected to be quite so _– oh my god_ what is that schoolgirl DOING?"

Alice's curiosity got the best of her. She peeked through her fingers. Then she snorted through her hysterics. "She's supposed to be a _virgin_. Stupid internet. That's not what I meant when I typed in _virgins_." She was very cross indeed, but I started laughing, mostly out of embarrassment.

After our initial shock, Alice got studious and took notes. She even remembered to find me a video with car sex, which proved to be a lot more fun than the schoolgirl video.

A couple of hours later, I went home feeling more educated, yet irreparably traumatized at the same time. I think Alice was, too, though I had a suspicion she was going to continue the research without me. She had bookmarked the last website we looked at.

I lay awake later that night, caught up in a hundred thoughts. How did that girl hold that position for so long? Did sex really go on that long? It had to be tiring, didn't it? What about all those weird sounds they made? Was I supposed to do that? It all looked…painful.

I had only one definite conclusion from my first porn experience: it was freaking NOTHING like a documentary.

At school, I was exhausted from two nights in a row of not enough sleep. I stumbled out of my truck, determined to stay hopeful that James would ask me out today. When I passed him in the hallway, he did give me that devilishly handsome smirk again, but that was all. I was going to be so pissed if all my work had been for nothing. My hopes were so shattered by the absence of change in my life that I was still in a dark mood by lunch time.

My lunch table noted my mood immediately. Angela and Ben let me be, but Jasper tried to cheer me up by being conversational.

"Did you like the documentary you and Alice watched? She said it was really educational – about turtles? Right?"

I nearly coughed up my Coke, recalling what I had said to Alice about turtles having sex. No doubt she had to have been thinking of that when she lied to Jasper.

"It was educational, if not a bit weird. Turtles can only be so interesting," I said, kicking Alice, beside me inconspicuously.

Perfectly polite, he commented, "I never knew you were so fascinated with turtles."

I swallowed another coughing fit. "Um, it's a new thing I've taken up."

My awkward conversation was interrupted by a tap on my shoulder. By the looks on Angela and Ben's faces, I was going to be as surprised as they were by who had touched me. The scent of heavenly cologne reached my nose, before I turned in my chair to see Edward Cullen standing behind me.

I squeaked in minor terror.

"Hello," he greeted me warmly. A crooked grin stretching across his attractive face. "I was wondering if I could have a word with you, Bella."

I wanted to say, "It was all Alice's idea! Have mercy on my virgin soul!"

But instead, I said, "Sure." He tilted his head to encourage me to follow him outside. I dumped my tray, and we made our way to a secluded part of campus.

My face was burning as my blood thumped through my veins in a frightening rhythm. I had no clue what he was going to say or do to me; I only knew that it would be unpleasant. I was a dirty tramp who made up lies to get her own way. I was like those women who said they were pregnant to get a husband – except I was saying I slept with one guy to sleep with another. I was a pathetic creature who didn't deserve Edward Cullen's mercy.

"I hope my dragging you out of there doesn't make the rumors worse, but I didn't want to put on a show in the lunch room," Edward said, a smile on his face. It threw me off. I thought his smile in the cafeteria had been to save face. Why was he smiling now? Was he trying to throw me off? Play mind games? My paranoia grew with every passing second.

"Oh?"

"I don't know if you've heard, but you and I have somehow been paired together in a rather salacious rumor."

"Oh?" I repeated. My only defense was one syllable words.

"Usually, I don't give a rat's ass about rumors. I'm only saying something to you because you're a nice girl and…"

I didn't hear what else he had to say, because a rush of guilt and morality tried to knock me unconscious. He was being so kind, so sweet. He was going to defend my honor. True, I was a virgin, despite what the rumors said, but I had no other honor aside from that. I was a conniving liar; a cutthroat ready to take down anyone to get what I wanted.

"Stop, stop, stop," I urged him, my hands shaking. "You can deny it all you want, but not because…not because of why you think."

Edward was puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"My friend Alice and I…made up the rumor," I said. My voice was scarcely a whisper, I was so deeply mortified in that moment.

He was stunned. "Why the fuck would you do that? You don't even know me."

"Exactly," I explained. "I needed to lose my virginity, so I could be with this other guy. I didn't _really_ want to lose it, so my friend Alice said we should just spread a rumor that I _had_ done it with someone…You were the perfect candidate."

His face was unreadable, so I plundered on.

"Alice knew you didn't care much for rumors, so you would hopefully say nothing. Obviously, that wasn't the case. We'll take care of it, we can say it was a misunderstanding," I said, breathless.

"Why would you purposely say you slept with some guy you didn't know?" he asked. At least he wasn't screaming at me. I looked up at him, momentarily struck silent by his amused green eyes.

"Uh, I have had a crush on this guy for the longest time…and he only dates non-virgins," I confessed.

Edward surprised me by laughing loudly. "That's a load of bullshit. What guy wouldn't want to sleep with a virgin? Sex is sex, isn't it? Err…" He looked down at my blushing face. "Not that you would know."

"It's true. He said he only wants experienced girls."

"He told you that?" Edward was appalled. He ran a hand through his hair, looking around. The bell had rung to end lunch, but no one was walking near us.

"No. I've not talked to him much, actually."

"But you're ready to have sex with him? You're ready to make up lies for him?"

He made a good point. "I'm not asking for a relationship. I just want sex. My first time doesn't need to be all special butterflies and flowers. I just want to be with someone experienced, which he is. My reputation is hardly anything, anyway. We're graduating in two months."

"If you're so eager, why don't you just go to a party and get laid?"

I glared at him. He sure was nosy for a guy I had never spoken to before. I had given him leeway to speak frankly to me, since I had tossed his name around freely to benefit myself, but this was going further than I anticipated.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm a bit pickier than a random fuck." If he was going to say _fuck_, I was going to say _fuck_.

"You didn't know _me_ well and were ready to give it up," he said. He gave me that crooked grin again as he did so. It was quite disarming, and I found myself grinning back.

"And look how that turned out. You're already back begging for more," I laughed.

Edward glanced around again, before leaning close. His breath fanned my ear. He whispered, sending pleasurable chills down my neck and back, "I won't say anything about the rumor, since you clearly have no objections, but…if you want to pass out your v-card to someone aside from your dream guy, I wouldn't be opposed to doing the job. I think I'm experienced enough to do a proper job of it."

He winked at me and went off to class without another word passing between us. I stood there for a full two minutes before I was certain that I hadn't hallucinated the entire conversation.

I made it to class, a few minutes late, but I would never be able to recollect what the lesson had been over.

Telling Alice about my shift of guiltiness was no easy task. It turned out better because I was able to tell her Edward was not planning to out us to the school. We were standing in the parking lot beside Jasper's car, waiting for him to meet us.

"You're such a wimp, Bella," she scolded me. "He would have been completely in the dark forever if you had said NOTHING."

"Then he would have called off the rumor!"

"Well, at least he wouldn't think we were the biggest rumor mongers ever. I can't believe you told him," she said.

I threw my hands into the air. "Not like I had much choice. I have never felt so evil lying to someone before."

Alice lifted a painted nail to her lips, wanting to chew it. "I feel the same way about lying to Jazz," she said softly. "I'm worried I'm going to crack."

"Oh no you do not! It isn't just you on the line here, I watched that - that documentary _with_ you!" I searched the parking lot for stray students, but the main group had left. The rest might be like Jasper, picking up an instrument before leaving the campus. He played the saxophone, he was very good, but he had to drag the thing to and from school every day.

"That didn't stop you from telling Edward that I was the one who helped make up that rumor."

"That's nothing like watching PORN. He'll think I'm a weird pervert."

"What about _me_?"

"You're his girlfriend. He probably already knows that about you."

Wrong thing to say. Alice was livid, her short frame tensing in anger. "That's the thanks I get for helping you get the man of your dreams? I am not a weird pervert! I'm going to find Jazz," she snapped, stomping out of the parking lot in a furious Alice cloud of death.

I knew she wouldn't be mad at me long, so that should have lessened my guilt. It didn't. Alice had been a wonderful friend to me, but with all this weird porn and virginity stuff, I was a little high strung. Getting laid by a random guy was sounding better and better. I really needed to relax.

I sighed loudly as I stepped into my truck, tossing my bag in the passenger seat. I gripped the key in my hand and put it in the ignition. I turned the key.

Nothing.

"What the…?" I tried it again. Not even a sound. The truck was dead. I was going to need a ride home. I pulled out my phone, trying Alice's cell.

"And it goes straight to voice mail. That hooker turned off her phone!" I tried the ignition one more time, before calling my dad. The receptionist was sorry to tell me that Charlie was out on a call.

It left me not choice, but to go searching for Alice, via Jasper, since she had gone looking for him. I hoped he was still in the music room. Maybe Jasper could even figure out what was wrong with my truck.

I peeked into the music room disappointedly. There was no sight of Alice or Jasper. I turned to leave, when a velvet voice called my name.

"Bella?"

"Uh…" I wanted to pretend I didn't hear him. My eyes, however, had been eager to take in his eyes candy and that idea was ruined. "Yeah. Have you seen Alice or Jasper?"

"They left a few minutes ago. You just missed them."

"Shit!" I yelped, deciding to make a run for it. I couldn't be left stranded here. I might have to catch a ride home with some douche…

A hand grabbed my arm, gently. "What's wrong?" Edward sure moved fast or I moved slow, I wasn't sure. I gaped at him.

"My truck won't start. I was hoping they could give me a ride home. I need to go catch them," I explained, finding my voice.

Edward grinned. It was an incredibly dirty, sexy grin. I suddenly connected why he might be giving me such a sexual look. The rumor Alice had made up…Hadn't it said something about me looking for Jasper in the music room, only to find Edward instead? Then he gave me a ride home and BANG!

Holy shit.

"Do you need a ride home? I'd be happy to chauffer a little schemer."

I flushed. "I just need to find Alice," I stuttered out.

I ran out the door.

I ran all the way to the parking lot again, only tripping twice on my way there. I scanned the lot for Jasper's car. It was a respectable Honda, a beautiful dark red. It should be easy to find. I remembered where it had been parked earlier.

It was nowhere to be found.

"What a load of crap," I said to the parking lot.

"Yeah, looks like you need a ride, doesn't it Miss Swan," a cool voice said in my ear. I nearly leapt out of my skin.

"Don't sneak up on people like that!" He was still laughing at my ridiculous squeal at his sudden appearance.

"Seriously, Bella, I'll give you a ride home."

I glared at him suspiciously. From what he said earlier, he had no qualms about virgins. Sex was sex. He had even offered…or had he been joking? I should have mentioned it to Alice, but I had been too fluster to say anything. Now I had to analyze him by myself. I had no idea what he wanted from me.

He put his hand on the small of my back, guiding me toward that infamous black Volvo.

Maybe I _did_ know what he wanted.

I felt faint as I took a seat in the Volvo.

"So, do you know where I live?" I asked. It was a small town, it was a legitimate question. Even if Edward Cullen had never been to visit me, it was entirely likely that he would know where the Chief of Police and his daughter lived.

"I think I can find it," he answered, putting his car into drive and peeling out of the parking lot. He wasn't saying anything, so I took a minute to inspect his car. It was clean and smelled faintly of mint.

"Your car is so clean," I said dumbly.

"Thanks. I'm trying to preserve that new car feel."

I smiled at his intricacies. "I don't even have a chance with my darn truck. She's older than my dad."

"I bet. I wasn't exactly surprised your truck wouldn't start. Though…" He pulled into my driveway. "It was a tempting coincidence."

"Yeah, a _coincidence_," I emphasized. I grabbed the door handle like my life depended on escaping the door. Maybe not my life, but my virginity certainly did. "Thanks for the ride home."

I opened the door, stepping out. I faced him as I readied to close it. Edward was grinning at me again.

"You're welcome. I hope your truck is fixed soon," he said.

"Me too. Riding in cars with boys – dangerous, you know?" I shut the door. I tugged my jacket tightly around me, as I willed my legs to run clumsily away from Edward.

That night, I finally got some much needed sleep. Charlie had called Jake, who fixed my truck in a jiff. We had dinner together, I did my homework, and then went straight to bed. I was kept awake only for awhile with my torrent of thoughts on Edward. He had really surprised me. He had never struck me as the type who went after any available girl. I felt like I was well under his radar. He liked the exotic, Russian types – like Tanya, last year's foreign exchange student. I think they went to a dance together.

I fell asleep without realizing I hadn't thought of James once since my first conversation with Edward Cullen.

As predicted, Alice wasn't mad at me long. Right after second hour she pounced on me.

"You got a ride home with Edward Cullen – for real?" she whispered to me, keeping step with me as we walked to our shared locker.

"Yep," I said, not looking at her.

"OH MY GOD. I can't believe it. It was like I saw the future!"

I snorted. "I can't believe it either, but you can't see the future. It was just a coincidence."

Alice shook her head, her short hair shaking violently as she did so. "I'm not so sure it was a coincidence. What if it was fate? Maybe you should think about hooking up with Edward instead."

"I don't know Alice, he came on a bit strong…"

"This from the girl who made up a sexual encounter with him to further her ambitions?"

I glared at her. "Alice, James is really hot!" I should have reminded her that she made up my encounter _for_ me.

"So is Edward," she pointed out. "Honestly, Edward is probably the better looking of the two."

"Maybe, if you don't prefer blonds," I argued.

It was the perfect time for Jasper to appear. "You and Alice BOTH have a thing for blonds?" He ran a hand through his blond locks with exaggerated finesse. Somehow, it still reminded me of the way Edward had done a very similar gesture. His bronze hair was very sexy, in its own way. Even if blonds might be more my thing…

"I'm trying to convince Bella to give up her crush on James," Alice informed him.

"You STILL like him? Even after you hooked up with Cullen?" he asked, perplexed.

Alice was super delighted with this turn of events. "You heard about that?"

It caused Jasper to look even more perplexed. "What do you sound so happy about it?"

"Oh, just…If Edward's bragging about Bella's skills – that can only be a good thing, right?" Alice truly did have trouble lying to Jasper.

Jasper raised an eyebrow at her, but said nothing about her behavior. "I didn't hear from Edward, I heard it from Emmett. He was oddly ecstatic about his older brother's accomplishment."

"Emmett? Isn't he a freshman?" I had forgotten about Edward's younger brother. He still hadn't had his growth spurt yet. I towered over him, like most of the girls in school. I suspected his hero worship of his older brother had something to do with Edward's impressive height: he was one of the tallest in our school, coming in at maybe 6'5.

I tried to push the memory of him looking down at me away - his gorgeous green eyes, holy crow! Maybe it was the green eyes. They were a rare color.

"Yeah, he talks to me sometimes." Jasper looked a bit sheepish over this.

"Stooping to speak with the freshies, Jazz?" Alice teased.

Jasper shrugged, halting with us as I opened our locker. "It's hard not to. He plays the saxophone – that whole family is freaky musical." He chuckled at a memory, then clued us in. "I think I figured out the real reason he wants to talk to me, though he doesn't admit it. He has this really obvious crush on my little sister."

"Rosalie?" Alice and I shouted together, cracking up.

"Yeah, totally."

"But – she's like – ten inches taller than him!"

Jasper scratched his head. "Love doesn't always make sense. He's not a bad kid. Hopefully he'll have a growth spurt. Rose has him strictly in the friend zone right now."

"Ouch," Alice said. "The friend zone is the worst place to be."

We pulled our books out and headed to class. Jasper and I were in the same building for our next hour, but Alice headed off in a different direction. Alone with Jasper, he began to grill me for information.

"Really, Bella? You and Cullen?"

I blushed. "It just kind of happened."

"That's what he said, too."

My jaw dropped, which I hurriedly picked back up. "He – you _did_ speak to him?"

"We talk in music. He's a nice guy, I guess. Quiet."

"He wasn't too quiet when I was with him," I muttered.

"Uh, didn't need to know that," he grimaced.

My blush was even more pronounced. "Sorry. Did he…say anything else?"

Jasper paused, while I waited impatiently for more information. Who knew what kind of trouble Edward was getting me into?

"He asked me to put in a good word with you for him. Why? I have no idea. I feel like he already put in the word all on his own…"

I giggled nervously. "Huh, how bout that?"

"Now, since I dished on your guy, can you please dish why Alice is acting so weird lately? She can't seem to look me in the eye half the time." His eyes were awash with worry. He loved Alice so much it was sickening.

"It's nothing you should worry about. Just some girl stuff," I comforted him. "She'll be back to normal in no time, I bet."

He let out a breath. "I hope so. She was acting so peculiar last night. She tried something she learned in that turtle documentary, and it was _scary_. She attempted to – well, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell..." He stopped himself, watching my face no doubt turning purple. His own face was a light shade of green.

I held in my laughter until I got to class. I couldn't believe Alice tried something from the porn we watched. Then, I sobered up. If Jasper thought it was scary, maybe I shouldn't try that stuff on a real guy either. I sunk down in my seat, sulking in disappointment. All that traumatic video watching had been for naught if an average Joe like Jasper didn't even like it.

I doodled mindlessly, wondering if maybe it had just been Alice. She might have done it wrong. Regrettably, there was no way to ask her without betraying Jasper's confidence.

I made it through my third class, only to be bombarded by a worthy enemy.

Jessica Stanley and I were not friends. She was annoying, backstabbing, and an unforgiving gossip. Here is Exhibit A:

"Bella, Bella, Bella, you dirty girl! Alice spilled about you and Edward in the car, but she didn't give me all the juicy details! What was he like? Was he totally fuck-tastic?"

Exhibit B:

"Seriously, how big is he? He's so tall it just has to be humongous! I bet you had an awesome ride, didn't you? I'm SO jealous!"

Exhibit C:

"C'mon Bella, you have to give me _something_. Did he make any weird noises? What about his O-face, is it sexy? Oh! Did he go down on you? He looks like he would be awesome at that. Is he? Please Bella, I'm trying to live vicariously through you!"

Like I hadn't figured that out. Jessica was trying to get enough material from me to help her with her _alone time_ for the whole year. I don't know what I would do if I had actually sexed up Edward Cullen. I had not, however, actually sexed up Edward Cullen, so I began to make up shit as I went.

Exhibit A:

"Oh yeah, he was totally fuck-tastic. He had stamina like I have never seen. I can't believe I'm able to sit down right now, to tell the truth."

Hey, I have never seen any stamina – save for what was on that _documentary_. I thought that was a rather truthful answer.

Exhibit B:

"You were so right. He's huge. Almost the size of my arm," I said, flexing my arm in her face. Watching her eyes bug out of her head made my day. I flexed my arm again for good measure.

Exhibit C:

"No weird noises, only good ones," I gushed. "His O-face? It blew me away. And he went down on me THREE times. I have never had so many orgasms in…a car," I ended awkwardly.

Jessica was fanning her face furiously with her history book by the time class started. I might have accidentally given an extra show to Kate Dayton and her boyfriend Garrett, who were sitting in front of me. When I passed her desk on my way out after class, Kate was staring at me in disbelief. Garret was too, but his stare was a tad more tragic. His ego probably took a huge hit from my hyperboles about Edward.

I thought nothing of my inflation of Edward's skills until the last class of the day. I was approached by a determined sophomore named Bree. I had perhaps spoken to her once before, when we happened to be waiting in line at lunch together.

"Hey, Bella, can I talk to you?"

"Um, sure, what is it?" I wanted to say no, since I needed to get to stupid calculus, but my politeness won out.

"Did you really – have sex with Edward Cullen?" she practically mouthed to me, her voice was so quiet.

It was amazing what people would believe. Rumors were terrifyingly powerful.

"Good news travels fast," I smiled at her. "Why, you want…uh, advice or something?"

She turned an unattractive pink. "Sort of. I wanted to ask if you and he were exclusive."

I frowned. My dislike of Bree shot up to unprecedented heights. That little slut was ready to move into my territory only a few days later? I talked myself out of asking her to step outside, by reminding myself that my encounter with Edward was purely fictional. I had no right to be jealous.

Jealous? I mean possessive. Did that sound better?

"I don't know. We haven't talked about it," I said.

"It's not like I want to date him," she was swift to say. "I just heard how _amazing_ he was at – your first time. I kind of want my first time to be like that, too." Bree was now a rather dark, blotchy red. I no longer despised her. I understood the girl only too well.

Little did she know I was still a card carrying member of the V Club, exactly like her.

"You can ask him, I guess," I suggested. "It's really up to him. He's not mine to," I swallowed, "Pimp out."

She gave me a toothy smile where I got to see the chain of braces across her teeth. "Thanks, Bella! You're my hero!"

I waved stupidly at her as she ran off to class. I trudged slowly to my own class. I couldn't quite wrap my head around what had happened to my ordinary, boring life. I was a virgin, playing the experienced sex fiend. Sooner or later, if I didn't legitimately lose my virginity, someone was going to find out the truth.

Friday, the following day, my actions came back to bite me even deeper in the ass. I had four more girls approach me about tapping Edward Cullen. All of them virgins like Bree. I gave them my reluctant blessings and went about my day.

I waited to talk to Alice about my situation, since she was my person. Like Christina and Meredith on _Grey's Anatomy_? I went to her for everything. I was going to lay out my sins like an episode of touching reality TV, but when I went to talk to Alice, her own problems had caught up to her.

"Bella, Jasper thinks I'm cheating on him!" I was waiting for Jasper with her in the parking lot, which was a typical habit of ours.

"He does not," I said. "Why would he think that?"

She crossed her arms over her chest, stared at her shoes, and refused to look at me.

"_Why_ would he think that?" I repeated.

"Because…because of the documentary," she gritted out.

"Huh?"

"The documentary! I…I tried to do something we learned from the video. Remember that thing they do – you know?" She did a vulgar demonstration of it.

"Bleh! Nasty, Alice! NASTY!"

"That's exactly what Jazz thought!" Alice cried. "I was sure he would like it – you know?"

I struggled not to let the image get into my head of Jasper suffering Alice's naïve attempts at being a porn star. I had enough issues already.

"Wait a second. What does this have to do with Jasper thinking you're cheating on him?"

"He thinks I learned it from some other guy!"

I guffawed in shock. Jasper had said nothing to me about his suspicions. "Holy crow, but you're a virgin!"

"I know!"

"That's perfect!" I cheered, my own ideas going beyond Alice's little problem.

"Bella! It is _not_ perfect!"

I shook my head. "It is, this is exactly what I wanted, right? That I could fool James into thinking I wasn't a virgin. If you tricked Jasper – it will be easy to trick James. James isn't nearly as smart as Jasper."

"At least something good came out of this." Her smile was a tad watery.

"Just tell him the truth," I told her. "I'll even take the fall for you. You can say it was my idea to watch the – the documentary."

"He didn't believe me. I tried that."

I studied Alice. She was still avoiding looking me in the eyes. "You didn't tell him it was actually porn, did you," I hashed out.

"You two watched PORN!"

Alice and I both jumped in surprise, and our high pitched squeals filled the parking lot. At least it covered up what Jasper had shouted at us.

"Uh, I need to get home," I blurted, heading for the sanctity of my truck. I made it two steps before a tug on my backpack pulled me back.

"No, no, you're staying here. I need to get the truth out of both of you," Jasper said sternly.

I boldly explained it to him, as brief as I could. "We're virgins, we needed to learn about sex, so we got on Google and watched porn. There. That's the whole of it."

Jasper didn't seem to buy the whole story, because he wouldn't let go of me. Alice was in hysterics beside me, hiding her face in her hands. "I can't believe this is happening, I can't believe this is happening…"

"Girls don't watch porn," he said. "There was something big that made you want to watch it."

"That really was the reason!"

Was there any way to get through this without admitting our dirty lie about Edward?

"Some guy didn't watch it with you?" he demanded.

"Goodness! NO!" I hollered, revolted by the very idea. "We watched it together, ALONE." Yes, I realize that made no sense.

The jealous, angry expression on Jasper's face was quick to change to _intrigued_. "Oh."

"Don't be a pervert," Alice grumbled, slapping Jasper. "It wasn't like that. I know you, Jasper Whitlock."

He turned to Alice, all apologetic. "I'm sorry I thought you were cheating on me. You should have told me."

"You would've thought I was a gross pervert," she whimpered. "You probably _do_ think I'm a gross pervert."

"No, I don't. I think that's…crazy hot," he said lowly. He moved in to kiss her tearstained face, and I made a fast escape.

I drove out of the parking lot making some bets with myself about how much longer Alice would be a virgin. By their display up against Jasper's car, it wouldn't be much longer at all.

More consequences found me when Charlie got home from work that night. Originally, I had plans to spend the weekend at my cousin Nessie's, who lived out in Olympia. That family bonding experience was destroyed when Charlie confronted me.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" He bellowed. I was in my room packing when I heard his shout. I felt the ground shaking beneath my feet as he stomped up the stairs.

I wanted to take cover, jump out the window, anything to avoid the conversation I knew what was coming. No matter what I told him, I suspected I was going to be grounded.

He burst through my door, his face contracted like a grizzly's.

I couldn't even pretend to play cool.

"It's not true, whatever you heard! I'm still a virgin, and I've only talked to Edward Cullen twice in my life!" My secrets erupted out of me, leaving a frantic teenager in front of her father who had lost all his steam.

"Thank God," he said, his shoulder slumping. "I overheard some kids at the gas stop talking about you and that _Cullen_ boy." He practically spat Edward's last name out. "They said something about his car and an arm…I didn't really understand that part. I got the gist of things and came straight here."

"Sorry, dad."

"There's no truth in those rumors then?"

I shuffled nervously, holding my pair of jeans like a shield up to my chest. "He did give me a ride home when the truck wasn't working." Why did I _say_ that?

Charlie's eye started to twitch.

"Nothing happened, really. I hardly know him."

I waited in silence for several minutes while Charlie made his decision. I never knew a few lies could get you into such outlandish trouble. First, Edward actually asking me about the rumor, then all those virgins wanting to have their first time with him, and finally Charlie hearing about it!

"I believe you." He said at last. "I shouldn't have suspected that of you. I know you're a good girl."

I was hardly a good girl, but I wasn't about to dig my own grave. I wanted to spend the weekend telling Nessie about the most bizarre week of my life.

Charlie left my room and I began to finish my packing. I was relieved the crisis had been averted without me losing any of my civil rights. Fifteen minutes later I heard the phone ring. I thought it was probably my aunt, asking if I was on my way. I hurried out of my room to answer it, but Charlie got there first.

I heard his gruff voice. "May I ask who's calling?"

I froze.

"EDWARD CULLEN!" Charlie howled. He didn't bother to say anything else. I assume Charlie hung up, because he came to the bottom of the stairs, livid. I stood at the top, like a deer in the deadliest of headlights. Charlie was the eighteen wheeler of doom.

"GROUNDED, Isabella. GROUNDED FOREVER!"

I saw where I got my dramatics from.

I spent my weekend in isolation. My cell phone was confiscated, the home phone monitored, the internet unplugged. I had the television and Spider Solitaire to entertain myself, since I was not allowed out of the house.

Cleaning kept me busy while I contemplated why Edward Cullen had called my house. I doubted he was still trying to get in my pants after my utter rejection of him after he gave me a ride home. More than likely, he had heard the rumors the rest of the school had heard. He might even want to thank me for how thorough and creative I had been. He was surely getting more offers for sex than he ever had in his life. All thanks to me, I thought bitterly.

Saturday night I managed to get Charlie to let me call Alice. She only had more bad news for me.

"You're _grounded?_ Why?" She was as confused as I was.

"I think to keep me away from Edward Cullen. I'm not really sure." I twisted my hair innocently as Charlie narrowed his eyes at me. Yeah, he wouldn't let me use the phone if he wasn't in the room. I had never seen this psycho dad side of him before. It was irritating.

"Weird. That sucks, though, that you're grounded. I feel like it's my fault. It was my idea to start that stupid rumor."

"Very stupid," I agreed with a sigh. "I don't even think it's going to work."

Alice took a deep breath. "I don't think so either, Bella. I…have something to tell you."

"What?" I asked anxiously, ignoring Charlie's presence.

"It's about James. I was with Jasper at the bowling alley last night. James was there with some guys from the baseball team. They were talking about you," she said. Her voice was hushed, so I held the phone closer to me ear.

"What'd they say?" I expected dread to fill me, but it failed to appear.

"One of them asked James if he was going to make his move on you, since he had been wanting to for ages. He apparently thought it would be messy hooking up with a virgin, so we were right. He _would_ have gone for you if the rumor hadn't gotten so…out of hand."

"What do you mean?" I wanted to be more explicit, something Charlie prevented with his overbearing hovering.

"Well, it was pretty loud in the bowling alley, but between me and Jasper, we got the impression that he wasn't so sure he could live up to the mind-blowing time you supposedly had with Edward."

"Figures." I waited for the disappointment, yet similar to the dread, it never came. I guess I hadn't liked James as much as I thought I had.

"You've given Edward the best rep ever, by the way. He stopped by the bowling alley with Laurent and Victoria. Girls were all over him."

I chewed my lip. "Did he seem…?" I couldn't finish because snarly Charlie was making an appearance again. I think he must have heard Alice say Edward's name. She always talked too loudly into the phone.

"You know, I think he was uncomfortable with all the attention. He left early, without anyone, if I remember right." I smiled.

"Oh, interesting."

"You totally like Edward now, don't you?" Alice snickered.

"I do not," I denied halfheartedly.

"You do. I could have Jasper talk to him for you, if you wanted." Her voice sounded very breathy as she said Jasper's name.

I gagged silently. "That's unnecessary. I think if I ever…" I used Alice's favorite phrase, "_You know_ - if_ it_ ever happens after this extravaganza, I want to do it with my own shenanigans."

"Alright, I won't say anything. The offer still stands. "

I guided the subject away from myself. "So…after I left you and Jasper yesterday?"

Alice giggled happily. "We totally – you know – in his car. Finally!"

I joined her giggling. "In the parking lot!"

"No, no, we made it halfway to my house. It was at this little turn off in the woods."

"It went well?" I inquired, curious.

"It was perfect. Both times," she sighed wistfully.

"I'm so jealous. I'm going to – you know – forever."

Alice laughed. "I just figured it out. Your dad is listening to you, isn't he?"

"Oh yeah," I said.

Alice started a fresh set of giggles. "Your dad kills me, Bella, he's so funny. I'm just glad he isn't my dad."

"Shut up, I'm miserable over here. For doing absolutely nothing, I might add." _As far as Charlie knew, _I didn't say.

Alice started to tell me something else, but I got distracted by the call waiting beeping in my ear.

"Alice, can I call you back? Someone's on the other line." Charlie perked up, looking at me suspiciously.

"Actually, I'm going to meet Jasper soon. I'll call you?"

"Fine, have fun!" I said quickly, hanging up and answer the call waiting within a short second.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is Bella there?" A hesitant, smooth voice asked.

"This is she," I said, my heart picking up several notches.

"It's Edward, I've been trying to get a hold of you – "

"Who is that, Bella?" Snarly Charlie the Grizzly asked.

I handed him the phone in defeat. "It's Edward," I admitted, hanging my head.

"Sorry, son, she's grounded. You're not to come anywhere near her until she goes to college. Actually, make that never." Charlie hung up without another word.

"DAD!" I shouted. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

"You're grounded until you go to college. Boys are going to be off limits."

"I didn't do anything to deserve this," I pointed out logically.

Charlie grumped. "Yes you did." He knew I was right, he was holding onto his stubbornness all the same.

"I don't. I'm really…a virgin. He gave me a ride home; he didn't even try to kiss me. The rest was just rumors." That was the absolute truth.

"I don't like thinking of my baby girl being interested in boys at all," he said finally, rubbing his moustache. "The grounding still stands, but only until tomorrow. I'll even turn the internet back on."

I smirked. "You're only turning it back on so you can check _your_ e-mail," I accused.

"Nonsense." He chuckled, disappearing out of the living room.

I wanted to call Alice back and tell her about Edward making two attempts to call me, but she was probably with Jasper already. I didn't want to interrupt their business, so I went to enjoy the benefits of having the internet again.

Monday morning came with the dull, gray rain that was typical of Forks. It was March, so it was still cold on top of the unwanted rain. I was soggy by the time I arrived to school. My squeaky tennis shoes grated against the linoleum floors when I slid into my seat.

The bell rang only a minute later.

I exhausted myself in an effort to pay attention. I couldn't seem to get with it. That attitude stayed with me as I stumbled toward my next hour. I staggered tiredly into a small person.

"Sorry," I said distractedly.

"Bella!" It was Bree, I was dismayed to see. "I was hoping to run into you. Not literally, but whatever."

I was puzzled. "Why did you want to see me?"

She pulled me aside. "It's about Edward. I did get the guts to approach him, but…I thought you would want to know, he's not really over you yet."

"What?"

She smiled. "He said I was a nice girl, but he still had some unfinished business with you." She winked at me. I blinked rapidly. 

"That's…surprising."

"I don't think so," Bree said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "I've liked Edward for ages, but the only girls he's looked twice at are you and Tanya. He didn't even seem all that serious about Tanya. He must really like you."

"He and I didn't even talk until last week," I explained, trying to make her see reason. Edward must have been letting her down easy. He was probably not interested in sophomores. I mean, who _would_ be interested in a sophomore?

Bree's brow wrinkled, that pink tone covering her face. "What? Wow. That's surprising."

"I know, I'm a slut," I deadpanned.

"Not that." She was deep in thought. "I've seen him look at you _before_ last week. He's must have been checking you out from afar! How cute!" Bree must not be the jealous type, I thought. She had just admitted to liking Edward for a long time, then turns around a minute later trying to get me with him?

"Uh, well, I need to go to class."

"Right, I don't want to make you late. Bye Bella, say hi to Edward for me!"

"Bye!" I said, already rushing to class. I walked in to the room simultaneously with the ringing bell. The teacher glared at me.

If I had had trouble concentrating in my last class, it was a doozy in my second hour. I was attempting to untangle the news Bree had supplied me with. Edward checking me out from afar? Total crap, I deduced. Bree was some silly sophomore, what did sophomores know?

Sophomore year, I remembered Edward moving to Forks. He was like a shiny dime in a room full of pennies. Being the rather shy, awkward girl, I didn't say anything to him. I gawked at the prettiness with Alice, who hadn't started dating Jasper yet. We gave him surreptitious looks in the lunch room for the first month he was here, before Alice got bored, and we moved our attentions to getting her with Jasper.

Edward checking me out from afar? I doubt it. Sophomores shouldn't be allowed in regular society. Bree didn't know what she was talking about.

On my way to lunch, I had worked myself into a superb grump. I was mad at Bree, Alice, Jasper, Jessica Stanley, James Henalay, Mr. Banner, Edward Cullen, and every virgin who got him to pop their cherry! Scratch that, every non-virgin on the planet was on my hate list!

Bree, obviously was crazy, so she pissed me off. Alice and Jasper were so happy in their new sex lives that Alice texted me she was busy getting busy when she should have been meeting me at our locker. I couldn't even stand to be around them today. Jessica pissed me off with her rumor spreading disease. James and his dumbass blond hair, he was nothing but a pretty face. If I hadn't thought he was so hot, I wouldn't be in this mess at all. Then, Mr. Banner gave me this look. That creeper has a thing for me, I swear!

And Edward! Edward and his legion of virgins! They can go to sexed up hell! I'll be in virgin heaven, drinking my Shirley Temples with my chastity belt on.

"Fuck that," I said under my breath. "I'm going to get some if I have to slay a legion of virgins to get in line first!"

I was preparing myself to present my idea to Edward in the lunch room, when I felt a yank on my backpack. I was unceremoniously stuffed into the tiny storage closet, outside of the Spanish room. I stumbled about clumsily, avoiding tripping on a box of books.

"Sorry about that," Edward apologized, steadying me with warm hands. "I just needed to get you alone without anyone seeing. The rumors are out of control. I didn't want it to get any worse."

"I noticed," I sighed, looking at him in the dim light that came from under the door and the tiny window high above the shelves the small room was crammed with. There was hardly enough room for both of us to stand there.

"How did you get in here?" I asked. "Isn't it usually locked?"

"I have a key. I'm a Spanish tutor," he explained.

I looked around, noting the domination of Spanish literature around us. "So, what did you…need to say?" I asked. My blast of courage had deflated the minute I was face-to-face with Edward's gorgeous green eyes. So much for losing my virginity.

He smiled crookedly. It was, no doubt, the grin that got virgins dropping their panties at him left and right.

"I suspect your father has heard the rumors?"

I winced. "Yeah, sorry about his phone etiquette. He's not usually so…"

"Overprotective?" he filled in for me.

"Yeah."

"Well, if that didn't clue me in, the tickets I found on my car over the weekend did the job."

I blanched. "He didn't!"

"No, he didn't. Officer Lopez did. The threat was there though."

"What were your tickets?"

Edward smiled. "One for having something hanging on my rearview mirror – a parking pass. The other was for parking too close to the curb, when I was parked on a gravel road. At my own house."

"Those are real tickets?"

He chuckled lowly. "I don't think so, because my third one said I was being ticketed for a Isabella Swan violation. I think that was their way of telling me the other tickets were crap." At least he kept his humor about him in the face of my new father, known as snarly Charlie.

The blood drained from my face. "Well, that was loud and clear, wasn't it?"

"What kind of rumor did you spread? Everything's gotten out of control, from one minor rumor to..." He threw his hands up into the air. "One minute I'm minding my own business, the next I have virgin after virgin laying themselves at my feet! The whole music department is calling me the Card Collector!"

"I'm…sorry?" I couldn't figure out if I should be saying sorry or not. Shouldn't he be happy about it? In any case, I would hold off on my plans to add myself as a notch on his bed post.

"Shit, it's not your fault," he said, leaning back against the bookshelf. He looked frustrated, but it didn't stop me from admiring his long, lean body. He was like a delicious treat, locked up in a storage closet with me.

"I can come clean…if you want."

"Nah, I don't want that. They'll think I'm a dick."

"Honestly, I'm surprised it bothers you. I thought you'd like having all those girls after you," I admitted.

Edward shoved his hands into his pockets, staring down at our shoes. They were nearly touching we were tucked in the closet so snugly. I could feel heat radiating off his body.

"I have…a confession to make," he whispered. I tensed, imagining what he would say next. Was he about to confess his undying love for me? That he had been watching me since sophomore year? That he wanted to help me dispose of my accursed virginity forever?

"Imaversiontoo," he muttered unintelligibly.

I blinked.

"What did you say?"

Edward groaned. "Don't make me say it again."

I put my hands on my hips. "I really didn't hear you. You were muttering."

He ran his fingers roughly through his hair. "Fine! I'm a fucking virgin."

That…was not what I was expecting. I started to giggle.

"It's not funny, Bella! My little brother thinks I'm a fucking sex god! The whole school does! And I'm not! Do you know how hard it is to fake that? You're lucky I'm an excellent bullshitter."

I suppressed my giggles, just barely. "Then why did you act so – experienced? That day after lunch?"

"Bella, we're both virgins. How can we tell if someone's experienced or not?"

I crossed my arms. "I'm sure I could tell."

"That's not the point. I wasn't about to admit to it then."

"Why are you admitting to it now?"

"Because…We've already slept together and had crazy amounts of sex, according to the rest of the school. It couldn't hurt to be truthful with one person."

"Oh," I said, a whip of disappointment smacking into me. I had been hoping…

Edward took a step toward me, in doing so, his body leaned into mine. His hand caressed the side of my face, trailing down my neck to rest there. "Also, I've been wanting to ask you out for the longest time. I could never get the balls to do it. I was hoping…this was my chance."

"Oh," I said. This time, I sounded a lot more turned on than I had previously. "You should have said something."

"It's harder than you think," he told me. "I'd never even talked to you before. We never even got a single class together! I had no way in."

I smiled at him, before placing a finger over his lips. "Then we'd better thank Jessica for her gossip girl abilities." I ran my hands gently down his chest, it heaved under my fingers as he sucked in a deep breath.

"Bella?" he asked. His voice was deep and hoarse.

"Edward," I said, summoning every ounce of feminine power I had. "If you want to remain a virgin, you can leave now. Otherwise, if you stay here I'm going to take advantage - " His mouth was on mine before I could continue. I grinned into the kiss, my predicted nervousness missing. I was only thrilled that this was finally going to happen. The mechanics of where and how were second to the wonderful feeling of finally getting what I had wanted for _so long_.

I forgot about lunch, class, rumors, as we deepened our kiss. We got acquainted with our lips and tongues. His mouth was steamy moist, addictive. I always read about people tasting different flavors as they kiss, but Edward tasted like Edward, and that was enough for me to grab his thick locks and pull him closer.

I was letting myself embrace the moment. I reveled in the rough feel of friction between our clothes as we rubbed unabashedly against each other. I straddled his thigh, moaning at the fiery burn of him pressed right there. My hands shook and slipped away from his hair, down to his broad shoulders, his chest…

I hesitated at the waistband of his jeans. I ran my fingers under it, drifting slowly over to the button and zipper. He gasped into my mouth while I tugged the zipper down, freeing an intimidating part of his body. It wasn't the size of an arm, but it might has well have been, for all I knew what to do with it.

Edward seemed to understand, his kissing easing up as his hand move from its place on my hip to cover my uncertain right hand. He guided me over smooth, hard, yet hot skin. It was fascinating, and only made me impatient to move forward with further explorations. He had other ideas.

"Let me touch you," he whispered. I swallowed, but I took my hands out of the way, letting him grip the ends of my shirt. He pulled it up and over, exposing my rather ordinary, blue bra. From the look in his eyes, there was nothing ordinary about what lay beneath it. He was mesmerized, which gave me the boost of confidence I needed.

"You _wanted_ to touch me," I teased him, undoing my bra one handed. I reached for one of his large hands and placed it on my chest. I was unprepared for how it would make me feel. There was some sort of unknown connection between one erogenous zone and my breasts, because I was a quivering puddle of need when Edward dragged me to the floor, and into his lap, and put his tongue to use on places other than my mouth.

I moaned _quietly_, a subconscious part of me remembering that I was in a storage closet.

I kicked off my shoes and shucked my jeans off impatiently, before returning to my perfect spot, wrapped around Edward. My naked legs clung to him, ripping his shirt from his body, not caring when it got stuck on his head, I only pulled harder. I gently pressed my breasts against his bare chest and our breathing became even more ragged. Whatever regrets I might have later in life, this would never be one of them.

I grappled for Edward's jeans, nudging them down and out of the way. He was breathing even heavier, because his boxers went with the jeans. The last piece of clothing was my cotton underwear, which Edward was becoming familiar with. His hands massaged my ass through them, before his favored right hand maneuvered toward the front.

My head rolled back as his gorgeous digits delved into my panties, finding out how slick and wet I was. I should have been embarrassed, shy, but Edward brought out the inner temptress I hadn't known I was hiding. "Oh, please," I said, a whimper leaving my trembling lips. "Don't stop."

"Fucking _hot_," Edward sighed, kissing me as I collapsed. My trembling extended to the rest of my body as I came. I spent a minute, unfocused as Edward kept on kissing me. I knew we were ready to go on, but my underwear was still on. I kicked them away rather violently, leaping joyfully onto Edward when I was done. I kissed him passionately.

"Before we do this…You should know I'm safe. I'm on – you know," I gave him a half smile, but his return grin was dazzling as he grasped my hips and ground our most sensitive areas together.

When he was finally inside me, it was distinctly uncomfortable, the lingering satisfaction from my orgasm the only thing saving it from being unbearable. I didn't let on that it was bothering me as he moved inside me. I was relieved when the discomfort left and the divine pleasure returned. I clung to him desperately, giving up trying to match his movements as his thrusts overpowered me, despite my position on top. A tingling spread through my limbs from my core, until he stilled in earnest, his pulsing leaving me speechless.

His face was beautiful when he came. I pressed my mouth to the corner of his, smiling contentedly. He opened his eyes. They remained glazed and dilated.

"Marry me," he groaned, tightening his arms around me.

I giggled. "Maybe we should start dating first."

"Good idea. How about after we put on our clothes? We can't stay in this storage closet forever."

I waited for the horror of having lost my virginity in a closet to hit me, but I found I was only pleased with myself. It was the most special moment of my life, sitting there naked in Edward Cullen's lap.

"We really do need to put on our clothes. People come in here from time to time to get books," he warned, pinching my ass ever so lightly.

I pouted and took my time getting off his comfortable lap. We sorted out our clothes, bumping and laughing softly as we did so. I even found my cell phone in my bag, checking the time: my class after lunch was almost over.

"Hey," Edward gave me a hug. "You want to hang out at my house later? You'll have to put up with my brother, but he's dying to meet the girl who made his brother the hero to every freshman and sophomore on campus."

A bubbly warmth began to expand in my chest. "I'd love to!"

Our hormones took over and we were kissing again. The next bell came and went. We didn't notice.

We also didn't notice a jingling on the door knob.

"What the FUCK?" There, mouth hanging open, was Jessica Stanley. She was holding a tall pile of books in her arms. No doubt she had been asked to take them to the storage closet by a teacher.

"Hi Jessica," Edward said, adjusting his jeans to hide the erection that had reappeared during our make out session. "How're you?"

"Fuck, it smells like fucking sex in here - _OH_ - MY GOD!" Her eyes widened as her brain caught up with her nose.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to be cool. "It's just all these old books." I grabbed Edward's hand, tugging him out behind me. We'd already missed the most of the afternoon classes, and decided to skip out on the rest of the day. We tested out the comfort of his Volvo's backseats…

After reportedly losing my virginity in a car, getting surprised post-sex in a storage closet, and finally getting caught by Officer Lopez _having_ sex in Edward's Volvo later that same day, we would forever go down as the most sex-crazed couple in Forks High School history.

We were legends, with no small help from a healthy rumor. Without that first rumor, we never would have found each other. I might have remained a virgin forever, and Edward would probably have a much less interesting reputation.

So, I have to say…Thank you, Jessica Stanley.

**End Note**: I hope you liked my little story, and if you did please review! I do not have a beta, so all the mistake are my own.

Before anyone complains, they're _supposed_ to be out of character. And that movie this sounds like? Pure accident, because I started writing this long before that movie was even advertised. I just work slow.

[Sophomores, if you're offended, you aren't even old enough to read this!]


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